United we fail - and it's pretty friggin awesome.

Covid19 Chronicles. Stardate, 2020.0411.

Kinda feels like we’re living in a sci-fi, disease genre, alternate universe movie nowadays, yeah? Trips to the store, or just a walk around the block may require Mad Max-like sartorial choices. Performance artistry has moved to tiny screens, in some cases on which even tinier tiles display its artists. Dogs couldn’t be happier with the new normal, and cats are just wondering when they’ll get their castles back to themselves.

Something else has shifted as well, in my opinion- this, in the realm of social media. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a lion’s share (or tiger’s share for you Joe Exotic fans) of political BS, conspiracy theories, and shameless self promotion. But there’s a category that has been creeping in, becoming more pervasive and giving them all a run for their money: Realness.

Life and/or parental fails, selfies containing a less-than-perfect framed and face-tuned appearance, sharing scary, and some cases life-threatening symptoms of sickness, feelings of panic, isolation, depression and desperation. Yes, these post are not wholly new to social media. But let’s face it, the prevailing themes we see on the socials in the best of times are just that: the best of times. The prettiest photos, the cutest kids, smiles and achievements, new cars and fancy dinners.

It’s been refreshing to see folks at various states of sloven, stories of crackers and chocolate for the kids’ breakfasts, of unbridled screen time and general ennui. It’s almost as if no matter how good any of us have it, we’re all in veritable hellscape this together. Hey, wait a minute… shouldn’t that be a model for the world even in those best of times? So what if she got a new Tesla, if those people’s kid is on the fast-track for Harvard at age 4, and that other guy looks THAT fucking good in a swimsuit: no need for envy, or disgust! We’re all subject to the same BS and self-sabotage and feelings of inferiority. All of us. United in thinking our lives are suck-ish!

Look, I’m not under any illusion that this will last once life return to normal, even if we don’t know what the hell that normal look like. Whatever normal winds up being, we’ll get back to sugar-coating and sunshine-painting. It’s inevitable, I’m sorry to say. We are human, after all- imperfect in every way. I’m just here-for-it that for the time being we are very publicly showing that human condition for real.

In praise of asking for help

We all have friends on social media who choose for one reason reason or another play out their daily dramas or grieve deeply or sort through their issues in the public eye. I find myself often rolling my eyes at such posts, but perhaps there is something to it. It's emotional honesty, whatever it's source or motive behind it. It's a certain fearlessness that whatever they are are going through, it deserves attention. They deserve well wishes, and pick-me-ups. They obviously feeling a great need for things, and they are basically unafraid to ask for it.

I'd say most of us, project a positive face. Smiling pictures, successes. No matter what's happening off-line. No one, I think, truly enjoys posting about how their child is having real anger-management issues. That their child deals with sometimes crushing anxiety about the the most routine of things. That, as a parent, these things affect everything you do, every decision you make - and can take a toll on even the happiest and most loving of households. Sudden outbursts of raw emotion seemingly out of nowhere can take your breath away. And when it comes from your child, this piece of your heart- this tiny, developing human that you'd do anything for - well, it breaks that heart in the truest sense. And then realizing that even as a parental unit you can't overcome this alone, that you need help, can feel utterly defeating. Like you've failed your child in being that steadying, guiding force in their life- and was it something you've done to have brought on this behavior? But pushing past ego, you reach out and get the help- because you want more than anything for your child to relish in her deserved strength. To be sure that there's nothing she can't do. But the help is work, progress is slow, and sometimes you can see a flicker at the end of the tunnel- sometimes not. Yeah, I don't think anybody enjoys posting about that kind of stuff.    

I'm not saying that it's all we want to read on Facebook, or the like- I want the smiling faces, I want the accomplishments and celebrations. But there is place for it- for emotional honesty on social media, other than anger (that's one emotion almost no one seems to have trouble expressing online these days). It's a way of reaching out into the ether to let that others know that if they are going though the same things, they aren't alone. The best thing about social media is the community it creates, but without some personal honesty to bring us back to earth, that same community can feel terribly isolating- a place where it's easy to "compare and despair," a wise lady once put it to me.

So I'll try and be a little more accepting to those reaching out. And I'll make an attempt, even if only once and a while, to be brave and ask for that pick-me-up when I need it.     

Divided, we... are.

I would love for a day (longer would be nice), that Facebook be filled with positivity- whatever that means to you- and void of vitriol: the back-biting, finger-pointing partisanship that tends to clog up these social media sites. No rants about cups, no memes taking down a person or groups people, no matter what side any of us are on. After the awful events in ‪#‎Paris‬ last night, I want to be on the ‪#‎HUMAN‬ side. That's something we should be able to get behind. And in that way- albeit a small way- we can all be ‪#‎HELPERS‬. Everyone affected by last night's tragedy needs now to heal, and if all of us can do small things to help that happen- then at least for a while we can all be on the same side. HAPPY Saturday, Facebook.

The morning after the attacks in Paris (and therefore a couple days after the much less publicized Beirut bombings)- I posted the above message to my Facebook account, with a link to a video of Mr. Rogers telling his "look for the helpers" story.

I then tried to follow my advice, and avoided posting politically or anything that could be considered negative (outside of maybe knocking a sports team or two- but no "real life" negativity). What I should have done was stayed away from social media. Because I kept seeing the same old crap- blame game finger-pointing, sometimes hateful posts under the guise of patriotism or intellectual elite-ism. It took a good deal of will power not to comment- not to engage.

Well, just two days later, I found myself posting an article about a divisive issue, with my commentary on the issue tagged on top. I had made it a bit more than 48 hours before jumping back in partisan posting game. Having had my earlier plea land deafly on many in my circle, and reflecting on what I said- I demurred and went back and deleted my post.

And then I immediately began thinking about the line between a negative post, and standing up for what I believe. Of speaking out against hate, and challenging that ideology. And realizing that while it may be divisive, it may indeed be partisan, it might not be necessarily negative. Confrontational, perhaps though. And that's really what my plea was- not to be at or against each other, and thereby in absence of partisanship, we could all pretend for a little bit that we were all in this together. But I suppose that's what it is- pretend. Kumbaya bullshit and a pipe dream.

Or is it? If we can't be united in love, can we not find common ground in our hatred? We all deplore these acts of terror and the individuals carrying them out- why get bogged down in semantics? Of who said what and when? Let's all hold hands and denounce terrorism! Who's with me? A hate-in for peace!!

But hatred is blinding. Hatred causes blanket statements and jumps to conclusions without benefit of facts and logic. Well, dammit- there goes common ground!

As for me? I'm jumping back in the pool. I'm not going to sit on the sidelines while things I know are true get trampled on. But I am going to strive to rise above the ugliness. To voice my opinion without tearing others down. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do that- it can be so tempting and satisfying to attack those in opposition to us- but I'm not staying silent.

You see, I too hate. I hate injustice. I hate ignorance. And I'm not ready to drop it all and hug it out with people that spread those messages. Kumbaya will have wait, I guess.